Dara! (verruckt_one) wrote,

much to afraid to sing

I've tried to write all this emotional bullshit here, but it keeps finding the backspace button. Perhaps because I could probably win a blue ribbon if bottling up emotions was a competition at the state fair. I've found out in the last year that, surprisingly, I'm not as invincible as I had thought. Do you think that shit just happens to some people, and not to others? Like some chosen people get to take the blunt of the "shitty shit that happens to people in their lives" stick, while some people just get off scotch-free? I used to think that there was like a certain amount of crap that people have to go through in order to have a successful life, and some people (like myself) just get a shit-ton of that shit in their first 25 years, then get to live out the next 75 years easy as pie (who said pie was easy, anyways? Pie is super hard to make. Unless you buy the frozen kind...). But I'm coming to realize that really, most people in my circumstances (my age, in college, etc.) won't ever get to "experience" the things that I have, good or bad. Not even on a comparable level.
I've somehow trained myself to not ever get too comfortable, not get too attached to any person, place or thing, because with my luck as soon as I get kind of OK with a situation, shit happens. People leave. People change. I leave. Things break, get lost, wear out. I'm getting good at running away from problems, avoiding confrontation at all costs. I'm starting to find out, though, that it's probably not the best course of action.

I suppose that that was "open" for me. Probably more insight into the emotion jungle war in my head than has been visible, ever. I'm starting to let it out, little by little. It's a work in progress, at least I'm trying.
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